Deep, he was, in a pit of despair. How he had gotten himself into such is a
state, is to remain hidden and unknown; for how do any of us, really, get
ourselves into an unworthy place? Alas,
our friend Hyde was stuck there, in that pit, with no way out. The only way, was sick and twisted, and in-human – but he did not care, for he had given his soul over to the devil, he was on
the other side of humanity now. With no
human feelings left inside, he savagely “stepped” on top of other people in
order to get to the top, and out of the hole he had dug for himself. He threw people’s lives down once they trusted
him and ran over them with disregard. The problem, was that his face, and eyes,
and voice were foreign and scary, and no sane man who wandered on the streets
of London would ever help him, out of the kindness and trust of their hearts. To solve such a problem, he used one of their
own, Jekyll. He was a man to be trusted, and had friends who would be
helpful for Hyde's mission. Though Jekyll would not have
willingly allowed him to enter in, and change him, he was curious for the answers Hyde held in his palm. These answers would answer to his hidden longings to be what he could never be – yet these answers left him scarred and screaming for an out. A down-ward spiral it is, when one man,
finds himself as a slave to the devil, for in conniving ways, he also brings
down more lives, and makes them lifeless souls.
I loved how you brought back how Hyde had stepped on that girl but actually putting meaning into it! Yes i agree that is not as well written as your other piece but it still gave a different view on this character.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I love your first sentence. I think it really draws the reader and and it made me want to keep reading for sure. You write with really good flow and it sounds so natural. You had great diction as well; specifically the word conniving. This was a little bit short but I dont think that mattered here. You got your point across and had good voice while doing it. I think that possibly adding to this in the future would make it better. Nice job Annika!
ReplyDeleteAnnika, this was really cool and I really liked your overall message. If anything, I think you went a little comma crazy and your sentences tend to run on. If you worked a little with sentence structure and diction, I am sure this will be an awesome piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteAnnika! I love this piece! You had very good diction, which you always do. I really enjoyed the way you started your story, it has a very intriguing sound. Also, you had good sentence structure in most places, besides a few runnon's. With a little more development, this piece would travel to the next level!
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